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I enjoy Star Trek and the Avengers mainly, though I have a zillion other interests that usually relate to gay sex.

thesylverlining:

babebraham:

today at the bookstore i asked the lady working if she had any lgbtq books that i could check out and her eyes magnified in what i mistook as horror and i thought i had offended her and then she said “i have a bag of lesbian fiction in the basement i’ve been waiting for someone to finally ask” and she all but burst down the stairs to get them for me

bless

"I have a bag of lesbian fiction in the basement" is my new go-to pickup line



#lmao #lgbt #lgbtqia
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fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.



#lmao
149653
ununpentium:

arcticfox48:

Windows XP (first and last to include pinball) was released in August 2001

I could swear that we had pinball on our computer before XP. Windows 95 or 98 had a version of pinball where each game was set in a different location- one was a graveyard. It was really cool.

ununpentium:

arcticfox48:

Windows XP (first and last to include pinball) was released in August 2001

I could swear that we had pinball on our computer before XP. Windows 95 or 98 had a version of pinball where each game was set in a different location- one was a graveyard. It was really cool.



#my sister was dating this gamer dudebro who bragged about loving pinball and getting a really high score #I'd played the game maybe a couple of times and said I could beat his score #I doubled his score in about three tries #nostalgia
61523
vivi-shiba:

j-aws:

ryedragon:

inritum:

reblog and make a wish!this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

yay its back.

so…I half jokingly reblogged this yesterday cos I thought it was a nice picture…and was like oh wow I only get wishes on birthdays what would I wish for?!?!?! how about gainful employment L0L… and like…I have a job now? That I never applied for? That someone just called me up and said “here, have this”? In a place I really really like?So like… h8ers gonna h8 or something

vivi-shiba:

j-aws:

ryedragon:

inritum:

reblog and make a wish!


this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

yay its back.

so…
I half jokingly reblogged this yesterday cos I thought it was a nice picture…
and was like oh wow I only get wishes on birthdays what would I wish for?!?!?! how about gainful employment L0L

… and like…

I have a job now? That I never applied for? That someone just called me up and said “here, have this”? In a place I really really like?

So like… h8ers gonna h8 or something



#I think I did this but I'm not sure #better make sure
3243605

zeusyallday:

so airplanes officially banned tweezers. honestly i think anyone that can hijack an airplane with a pair of tweezers deserves the airplane



#yep #lmao
120090

repllicunt:

argentourage:

what if you could meet your celebrity crush but the cost was them knowing everything you’ve ever said about them in your tumblr tags

image



#lmao
65263

Tom Hiddleston and Jim Beaver in a movie together? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP.



#crimson peak #2015 is gonna be a great year #tom hiddleston #jim beaver
6

While the context and narrative itself sets up obstacles, the film often uses visuals to help express Clarice’s status in the order of things. A recurring visual motif is Clarice surrounded by taller men, dwarfed and brought down by their stature. Yes, Jodie Foster is a short woman, just a few inches over five feet, but the film often exaggerates that discrepancy to express her challenge in overcoming a patriarchal society that literally looks down on her. […]

The film camera also never objectifies Clarice. Throughout the film she is presented as an object of the male gaze by the characters in the narrative, but the camera does not assume this perspective of the male look until the end of the film. It’s at this point then that Clarice punishes and banishes the male gaze for objectifying her. [x]

#feminism #silence of the lambs
2151

can-u-not-my-wayward-son:

theres-a-hole-in-the-earth:

disguisedinallyouralibis:

boxcarsandbattlescars:

ittybittyrecluse:

I don’t think that “roll of inches” will ever get old in my life time. My dogs are looking at me like I’m crazy because I’m laughing so hard.

horse tornado

why am I laughing so hard omfg

…very cold water with corners?!?!?!?!???!!!?!?!?!?!?!?

HORSE TORNADO

#lmao
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